Charlie Sheen has been killed... at CBS

The premiere of the season nine two-parter, "Two and a Half Men" will feature the funeral of Charlie Sheen's character 'Charlie Harper.' We (as in you, not me. I do not watch this abomination of a show.) will see Harper's funeral as well as the sale of his house. Many other CBS "stars" will make guest appearances. (An apparent Chuck Lorre, "F*ck you," to Sheen).

Charlie Sheen's character Charlie Harper is indeed dead and the season premiere will feature his funeral. Charlie's girlfriends will come back for the occasion, and his house indeed will be put on the market. The episode will feature potential buyers coming to see the house (as I reported earlier, the list is expected to include real-life celebrities and stars from Men co-creator Chuck Lorre's other series), with Ashton Kutcher among them.

This probably won't last more than the ninth season. The kid in the show has outgrown his cuteness and so has Jon Cryer. Kutcher will get tired of the schedule and Lorre will focus on his other successful CBS shows. You heard it here first.

(via Deadline)